Tears in Heaven
by cassie35
Summary: jd songfic using clapton's song tears in heaven.post memorial day.PLEASE REVIEW!


A/N-Let me know hat you guys think! I may continue with this one-any ideas would be fantastic-can use all the help I can get! Bon Appetite!  
  
Disclaimer-Not mine. Never will be. Borrowed from the fabulous Aaron-song borrowed from Eric Clapton (I will include full lyrics at the bottom in case anyone is curious) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------  
  
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?  
  
I hear the song over the radio as I sit next to her and stare. I've seen her sleep before, many a night when we've fallen asleep at the office, or during those hot summer nights just a few years ago. Even on the campaign trail both times, or on air force one. In the beginning I loved those small intervals where she would allow herself those few minutes of rest. I loved them not because her head always found the same spot on my shoulder but because I got a break from the endless trivia that infects us all in the hours that she is awake. That was in the beginning. That grew into relief as time went on. Relief that she was getting the rest she needed and so overly deserved. It relaxed me to watch her sleep. It was a calming agent and on a late night trip cross-country, she would tie her hair up on the top of her and eventually her head would be on my shoulder. I would watch her sleep and it would soothe me. Not soon after that I drifted off into oblivion as well. That summer all I would have to do is look at her breathing in and out, and I would be grounded again, the nightmare would slowly fade away and I felt secure knowing she was there. Even if she did talk in her sleep. This of course grew into longing. When she fell asleep I would miss the companionship immediately. As I would watch her sleep I couldn't wait for morning so we could start all over again. She was my constant. My best friend. Now as I watch her sleep I am not calmed nor am I relieved. I'm scared. All I want is for her to wake up, just for a little while. I want her to know that I'm sorry and that she is the most valuable person in my life. I want to know she's okay. I want to see her eyes. I want to see my best friend.  
  
I must be strong And carry on,  
  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
  
Here in heaven.  
  
I can faintly hear the song. That song I know all too well. They played it in the O.R. during his surgery. It's a soothing song and I guess that's what we, as did the doctors needed. I can feel his presence and I know what he's thinking. Don't blame yourself. Please don't do it. I'll be awake soon. I'm just tired for now. I need you right now just as much as you need me. We'll do this- we always do.  
  
Would you hold my hand If I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven?  
  
As I hold her hand I remember the first time we did this. It wasn't so I could drag her away from something, or force her to do something she didn't want to. It was during the first campaign. We were at a fundraiser for the AMA and he was going to be there. As we walked into the ballroom my hand found hers and with a reassuring squeeze I led her down the hall. From that point on our hand sort of just found each other. If one was nervous the other knew, if we were scared, excited, lonely, we just knew and our hands just found each other's. From the beginning we always made contact. I regularly found the small of her back while we were walking. It served, at the beginning, as a way to make sure she was listening and wouldn't walk away. But that evolved too, it became my way of guiding her, making sure she knew I stand behind her in everything she does and letting her know that no matter what, she has someone on her side. I was protective but at the same time knowing that she protected me. We were a team. We are a team. We always will be.  
  
I'll find my way  
  
Through night and day,  
  
'Cause I know I just can't stay  
  
Here in heaven.  
  
I feel your hand and it comforts me. I think it's easier to breathe now. Maybe its because I'm recovering but I think its because you're here too. I know who we are. And it goes deeper than boss-assistant. It even goes deeper than best friends. We always find out way back to each other and this is no different. I just need time. We're too strong for this. Were both too stubborn. I won't leave. But I need more time.  
  
I'll sit here and wait for you. No matter how long it takes. I believe in you. I believe in our team we have. I know you just need time. I know I'm impatient and that you say 'patients is a virtue'. I want to see you.  
  
Time can bring you down,  
  
Time can bend your knees.  
  
Time can break your heart,  
  
Have you begging please, begging please.  
  
Beyond the door,  
  
There's peace I'm sure,  
  
And I know there'll be no more  
  
Tears in heaven.  
  
Would you know my name  
  
If I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would it be the same  
  
If I saw you in heaven?  
  
I think your waking up now. You scrunch your nose right before you come to. We both realize this is real. I look at you and I can see my tears reflected in your eyes. We watch each other as they silently fall and we both can't speak. With our silence, volumes are spoken. And we understand. We both know. As we squeeze each others hand, we're finally safe.  
  
I must be strong  
  
And carry on,  
  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
  
Here in heaven. 


End file.
